A package arrives, it goes to Frank, and Frank gives it to me. Inside the package is a bag...a bag with cool stuff, and pamphlets. I don't know what the whole thing was for because once I saw it, I wanted nothing else.

Small, roundish, and rough, it called to me. "James...JAMES! Pay attention, I have news to impart that will move you to another realm of joy, another level of financial security, and deliver all the chicken fried steak you can handle."

That last part...well, not so excited about it, but the other stuff was righteous, so attention I paid.

"Bring me closer, I want to whisper in your ear."

That should have been my clue that something was up, but nope, I was so excited about joy and financial security (but not so much the chicken fried steak) I disregarded my usual safety procedures and got good and close.

And it attacked. It attacked!