The Big Hotel Lie

There's a big lie in the hotel business, and it's time we talk about it. Get it out in the open. We must stop pretending everything is OK. It's not OK. The lie is NOT OK. The lie brings about regular disappointment and, maybe even a few crushed dreams. It's a testament to the strength of Americans that we've been able to take it this long.

But today is the day I say, 'No more!' Today is the day we must stand up and be counted and tell the hotel industry that we're onto them. That despite all their trickery, we know the truth! That no matter what they do, they can hide this 'secret' no longer.

Of course, I'm talking about hotel room coffee!

In my life, I've travelled quite a bit. A lot of chain hotels, some boutique hotels, some amazing resorts, and some tiny bed and breakfasts. Small town or giant metropolitan complex, they all have one thing in common. The in-room coffee is as close to the devil as a person can get without playing shortstop on Satan's slow pitch softball team.

From good old fashioned four cup coffee makers to fancy single cup makers, the liquid spewed forth may have an enticing aroma, but one sip of that dreck and you've reached the third level of hell. Add the generic creamer and sugar/pink sugar substitute, and you'll have sweet and creamy dreck, but dreck nonetheless. Dreck

You start the coffee brewing and then jump in the shower, anticipating that sweet wake-up juice. Maybe you catch the glorious scent wafting into the bathroom, and it only heightens the anticipation, helping you forget the disastrous hotel coffee of the past. But then, out of the shower and toweling off, you take your first sip and the memories come flooding back. The gallons of coffee you've poured down hotel drains and, if it's especially bad, flushed down hotel toilets

Why today? Why do I decide today is the day to stand up? Well, I'll tell you why today. Wolfgang Puck. I'm in a nice new Cambria Hotel in West Fargo. Very schnazzy and comfy. Amazing bed, huge shower, great common areas. Love it. (Thanks, Mr Shatner!)

Seeing Mr Puck's name on the coffee gave me hope that FINALLY I'd enjoy an in-room cup of coffee. A celebrity chef with his reputation on the line? How could this be anything but amazing coffee? One sip and...again...hopes and dreams were dashed. Hard.

Then I had a thought. A frightening and horrible thought. If WP couldn't make good in-room coffee happen, what hope was there for the rest of us? But I will not give in to the dark side. We can lick this problem, we just need to put our heads together.

So, hotels, it's out there now. We all know your dirty little secret. We've hugged it out and it's time for you to act. Convene a Meeting of Hotel Nations or call together all the coffee masters or whatever it is you need to do. We're behind you, all the way!

P.S - The "Holy moly, is this coffee? face" photo session included many pictures. Behold the beauty of The James.