This is Why I Don’t Have Cats by James Rabe (Picture and Video)

I'm not a cat hater.  They, and their spit, are major asthma triggers.  Like...emergency room asthma. The whole not breathing, ((body falls down)) routine. But, there's another reason I don't have 'em. And I know they've done this to you!

Every day I run into people that love cats. Heck, my old boss had, like, 5 of them. And a family! But not me. Partially because I'm allergic, and partially because...I think they're like bad lovers.

Obviously there are exceptions, but for the most part, yeah, bad partners. They come around when they need some lovin', you give 'em what they want, they like it, you suggest sticking around a little longer, maybe just thru the night, OK? That's when they scratch you and run away and ignore you for two or three weeks. And spray everything they can. OK, that last part is limited to cats, but you know what I mean.

Also...they knock stuff over. They'll look you right in the eye and...boof...down it goes.

(I found this here, but the inspiration is here, and it's an Oatmeal, so, if you think it's funny, go to those links or here instead.)