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What Do You Do When It’s Man Vs. Food?

Here are a couple of household food #epicfails.

The smell of fresh brewed coffee fills the room. It’s morning. The morning routine is early. So I can stay one step ahead.

I wake my daughter up first at six… so that by 7:05 she can quickly scarf down a bowl of cereal or an egg before making the dash to the bus. My other sophomore is up a few seconds later. his bus is at 6:40. They both need a “Snooze Dad“. I’m set for an extra five minutes every morning. My eighth grader gets up a half an hour before the bus.

This morning, I decided to join the kids for a bowl of cereal. I went to open the feed bag we picked up at the store just last night.

When this happened.

0 Cereal Fail

That perforated section that covers up the reseal? Tore wrong. So, I went to the other side. The Dark Side. I tore an easy to pour spout!

After finishing my bowl of cereal, it was time to make lunch.

Blindly, I grabbed the package from the drawer in the fridge.

0 Lunchmeat Fail

It was like a page torn from the hard-boiled novel I was reading. The package was like a crime scene. Whodunit?! Who had savagely cut the resealable strip off the lunch meat package. Was it the arthritic little old lady challenged by the delicateness of the resealable strip? She would have stuffed it in a zip-lock sandwich bag to “hide” the crime. It couldn’t have been the smart wife? She was too smart. Which one of the teenagers could it have been, then?

What kind of a person does this?

My Uncle Archie always tole me to be smarter than the lunch meat package.

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