RABE SHOT: Appleton Dough-Head Burglar Eats Muffins, Gets Naked
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Put yourself in this scenario: you’ve had a long day. Work was busier than usual, but you’re finally done. All you want to do is just relax in the comfort of your own home. That’s when you get back to your place and find a Wisconsin man sleeping naked in your bed.
No, really. That’s what happened this past weekend in Appleton, Wisconsin. According to local police officers, some weirdo broke into a home, drank some whiskey, ate some muffins, stripped down naked, and passed out in the resident’s bed.
…Hang on. I’m still very confused about all of this, but there’s more.
When the officers arrived at the scene, they found the burglar hiding in the shower. A bag of marijuana was next to the weirdo’s clothes.
Now here’s the thing: if someone told me that this story came out of Florida, I’d just shrug because I assume something like this happens there all the time. But Wisconsin? That’s just odd.
I have so many questions.
What was this guy thinking when he broke into someone’s house? What was his endgame? Did he just want whiskey and muffins? Why was he sleeping naked? How long did it take for the resident to burn those bedsheets? Why did this guy only eat muffins? Why did he think that hiding from the cops in the shower instead of just leaving was a good idea? Why did he think any of this was a good idea? Is Wisconsin becoming the new Florida?
There’s a lot to process here. You’re weird, Wisconsin.
Source: Pioneer Press
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