Just stop asking, please!

I don't know what it is or why we do it. When you're in a good relationship you get the question, "when are you getting married?"  When you get married, you get asked, "when are you having kids?" When you have a kid, "when are you having more?" Why is this ok? I'm not an overly sensitive person, but this drives me nuts. Why? Because it's none of your damn business! You have NO idea what people are going through, so stop asking.

I'm bringing this up now because I'm going through it myself. Yep, surprise, I struggled with infertility issues. I was poked, prodded and put through so many painful tests. They gave me pills that made me sick. My husband and I tried year after year with absolutely no luck. I was depressed. So we stopped trying. But, even when we weren't trying, we were 'still trying.' It was the only thing I could think of. Why isn't this working? What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me? It was controlling my life. I hated it. Then, a close friend had a miscarriage, and that's when everything changed.

While many will likely judge me for making the decision to permanently stop trying, I knew in my heart what was best for me. I knew that I wouldn't be the person that I wanted to be if I continued on this path. That, if I went through the tragedy of losing a child after trying for so hard for so long, that I would not be able to bring myself back out of that hole. I would not be the stepmom that I wanted to be, the aunt that I wanted to be, the wife that I wanted to be - And that was just not ok with me!

I am at peace with my decision. I'm so incredibly grateful to have an amazing stepson, beautiful nieces and nephews, and a baby sister that treats me like a second mom. We decided that was enough for us. But, that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. That doesn't mean I dread the conversation any less.

Long story longer, just stop asking. Whether a woman is struggling or has decided being a mom isn't right for her, it doesn't matter. It's just none of your business. And quite frankly, it's too personal a question to ask anyways. You're not my Gynecologist!

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