Last night, I went to a showing of IT at the Wehrenberg. It’s good! Scary! And CREEPY.

But I’m here to rant about something else.

Getty Images/CSA Plastock

When I walked into the theater and sat down, there were 3-4 kids sitting a couple rows ahead of me. They were all between 8-11 years old, and I’m not sure if they were there by themselves or with parents/adults. Either way, they kept talking through the first minute of the movie before yours truly blasted out a “SHHHHHH!” at them (because I’m un-apologetically That Guy). And that was that – for a while.

Throughout the movie, they’d keep blurting out things like “I knew that would happen!” or “That house is creepy!” All in normal speaking voices. Eventually, one guy stood up and sternly-yet-politely asked them to please be quiet because other people are trying to watch the movie. I silently nodded my head in solidarity. I wanted to raise my fist in the air.

That is when some other adults started chiming in.

“Hey man, they’re just kids.”

“Take it easy! They’re kids! Just sit somewhere else!”

Okay, so. I don’t know if these other adults were the kids’ parents or whatnot, but this brings up one very important question:

Why the %$#& were these kids even AT this movie?

For those of you who weren’t scarred for life by the cheesy-yet-occasionally scary ‘90s miniseries, IT is about an evil, demonic clown that literally eats children. In the current remake, you see it happen. In the first 10 minutes of the film, (Mild Spoiler Alert!) Pennywise bites off a small child’s entire arm. You see that. So yeah, probably not the best situation to make the “let kids be kids!” argument. Taking your bratty kid to IT isn’t winning you Parent of the Year.

And hey, I get wanting to play the “cool parent” card. I definitely would have begged my dad to take me to IT. But even if he did, he’d make sure I keep one important thing in mind: “If you’re somewhere you’re not really supposed to be, act like you belong.” If you’re at a movie, you don't talk. If you’re a 20-year-old who somehow got into a bar, you don’t start a fight. It’s not that hard. Just don’t be dumb. That brings me to my second question:

…So if you tell someone to be quiet during a movie, you’re the bad guy?

That dude shouldn’t have been put in the position to say anything. Going to movies is expensive. Movies at the Wehrenberg are $5 on Tuesdays, but that’s still about half the cost of a monthly Netflix subscription. How is telling someone to stop being rude at all ruder than being rude itself? I know it’s annoying to get bossed around by a complete stranger, but it’s way worse when a pack of young hyenas are ruining an R-rated flick for the whole theater. Especially when they arguably shouldn’t have even been there in the first place. I am an old, cranky man.

Anyway, if these were your kids, congratulations! Sure hope they don’t wake you up in the middle of the night for the next two weeks because they’ve been having clown-related nightmares! That definitely wouldn’t be sweet karmic justice at all!

Rant complete!

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