I have never been so happy to have watched a commercial in my life. Now I just pray these Whoppers come our way.

Burger King, in Italy, has started serving the Social Distancing Whopper!  The hook? It has three times the onions, which should, as the commercial below notes, keep people at least six feet away from you. I beg you, click play, then continue reading. Begging you...BEGGING!  You'll hear the magic moment at the end and your life will change forever.

Did you hear it? I am going to start claiming Italian descent so I can start pronouncing it Whoop-air. Not only does it have so much more grace and style than WHOPPER ever could have, but there's a lot there to work with...

  • "Whoopair...the air INSIDE a whoopee cushion!"
  • "The New Ford Whoopair...it's like riding on a cushion of air!"
  • "Whoopair - Noun - The space between you and the ground after saying, "Whoops!"
  • "Hey 1970's hairy chest and gold necklaces guy with way too many shirt buttons undone, why are they looking away? Not because you're not sexy, you ARE! You're an animal! Rarrr!  Let them meet the tiger inside when you fluff up that chest hair with Whoopair...in cream and spray, sold in 49 states and Canada. Sorry Tennessee."

So far, the Social Distancing Whoppair is only available in Italy, but since they'll do ti your way, ask for three times the onion, and tell 'em James Rabe sentchya.

But, be warned, there are limits to their generosity "have it your way" wise.

Listen to James Rabe and Jessica Williams 6a to 10a on Y-105 FM's Early Morning Show.

NEXT UP: What It's Like Working From Home With Pets in Southeast Minnesota

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