The 5 Faces I Always See On Dating Apps In Rochester
Hey there. I’m Jordan. I’m a single dude who dabbles with online dating; usually with apps like Tinder, Bumble, or OKCupid. They’ve all led to me meeting some cool people over the years, and I’ve found that connecting with women through an app is way easier than trying to strike up a conversation with someone while buying avocados at a grocery store or something. So overall, online dating has its benefits. But most importantly, dating apps can be amazing if you’re into the sport that is known as People Watching. So that's why I've decided to act out some of the same facial expressions or poses that keep recurring on dating apps around Southeast Minnesota. These are all lighthearted observations, I swear.
- The Duck Face
Look, here’s the thing: it’s 2017. I feel like as a society, we’ve all been making fun of people who do the Duck Face for at least 10 years now. But against all odds, it still exists. I see at least one Duck Face every day. It takes place in bathrooms. It takes place in front of mirrors at the gym. It's everywhere. It makes me want to throw a piece of bread at my screen. So consider this my official PSA: Stop doing the Duck Face. It’s time to move on.
What It Tells Me About You: “I’m still very active on MySpace.”
- The Clone Face
This one is a little more understandable, because getting my picture taken always feels like I’m playing a deadly game of Russian Roulette. Odds are, I’m going to end up making a goofy, awkward, non-photogenic facial expression that has ruined many a group pic. UNTAG. Seriously, I’m super uncomfortable with getting my picture taken. So I totally get the idea that once you find your “photogenic face”, you commit to it 100%. But it’s still funny to me anytime I see someone making the same face in every. Single. Picture. Once you notice it, you can’t unsee it.
What It Tells Me About You: You would definitely not enjoy looking at our engagement photos.
- The "Tell Me You Did NOT Just Say That" Face
This one is everywhere. The furrowed brow. Pursed lips. Inquisitive eyes. It's the face I made when a coworker told me that someone brought donuts in for everyone this morning.
What It Tells Me About You: You will make this face around me a lot.
- The WTF Face
You know how they say first impressions are everything? That you always want to put your best self forward? As I’ve stated before, I’m definitely not a shining example of being a photogenic person. But man, I’ve encountered some profiles (and for the record, this undoubtedly takes place with both genders) that make me go, howwwww is that your FIRST picture? I’ve literally seen selfies that look like they were taken mid-sneeze. NAILED IT.
What It Tells Me About You: One of your hobbies includes collecting…something. And I’m not sure I want to know what it is.
- The Uncomfortably Close Selfie
What It Tells Me About You: YOU TALK LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE PROBABLY.
So that's what I've noticed as a single guy. Are there any I missed? Is there a male equivalent of Duck Face? What are some equally ridiculous things you see men doing on dating apps? If so, please, do tell. I might need to edit my own profile. Until next time, happy swiping!