A James Rabe Rebuttle – Just. Eat. The. Donut.

Yesterday, Tracy McCray posted a blog about donuts, and how she liked to cut a bite out of one, leaving the rest behind. And dragged me into the mess. I don't know why, but she did.

Believe it or not, I know where she's coming from. I get it. I think it is one of the lowest things one human can do to a group of people, but I get it. And she gets points for trying to be clean about it. Most people rub their grubby hands all over the toilet, and keyboards, then reach in, grab a donut, and infect the whole box.

You may as well grab all the donuts and rub 'em against a city bus railing!

However...as much as I care about cleanliness, and I do, it's not about that. Not that using a plastic knife with just cleaned hands is a fix...when did you grab the knife? How was the knife stored? Did you touch ANYTHING before you touched the knife? Did other people reach into a drawer and touch ALL the knives before you touched it?

The mind reels.

At any rate, why do I say "drop the knife, eat the donut"? Because leaving a donut with open ends is begging for a dry donut. A dry donut, Jerry. A. Dry. Donut. Dry like desert sand. Dry like pork chops cooked too long. Dry like my hands after folding and restocking sweaters at JC Penney (something I used to do).

As soon as you cut into it, the drying process begins, covering the bare ends with crusty, tasteless donut scar tissue. Who wants to eat a sandy donut? Not me.

On the other hand, I should celebrate. While cutting the donut in half is bad, Tracy could be doing this...

(PassiveAggreiveNotes) There are two women and two guys that cut a two different donuts in half to make one donut. None of them ever wash their hands first, and one of the guys never washes his hands after going to the restroom. They don’t do it to avoid calories, either, because each of them will usually end up eating two to three donuts/pastries/sandwiches each within an hour, and never do they choose the same flavor twice. They do it so they can sample more flavors, and they’ll often do it right in front of others.

So it could be worse. Much much worse. But cutting donuts is still pretty bad. Here's a handy guide to help you thru difficult transition to good from evil.