I love reading a good obituary, and the one Joe Heller's family put together for him is a doozy. It's the first time I've seen cuss-words in an obituary, so that makes it kinda stand out. Here are some highlights (you can read the whole thing here). 

Joe Heller made his last undignified and largely irreverent gesture on September 8, 2019, signing off on a life, in his words, "generally well-lived and with few regrets." When the doctors confronted his daughters with the news last week that "your father is a very sick man," in unison they replied, "you have no idea."

Great ready for some cussin'!

Being the eldest was a dubious task but he was up for the challenge and led and tortured his siblings through a childhood of obnoxious pranks...Pat, Dick and Kathy were often on the receiving end of such lessons as "Ding Dong, Dogsh*t" and thwarting lunch thieves with laxative-laced chocolate cake and excrement meatloaf sandwiches.

 

On being his kid...

Growing up in Joe's household was never dull. If the old adage of "You only pull the hair of those you love" holds true, his three daughters were well loved. Joe was a frequent customer of the girls' beauty shops, allowing them to "do" his hair and apply make-up liberally.

On bringing home dates...

When they began dating, Joe would greet their dates by first running their license plates and checking for bald tires. If their vehicle passed inspection, they were invited into the house where shotguns, harpoons and sheep "nutters" were left clearly on display.

 

On covering the costs of...NOT the funeral.

The family is seeking donations to offset the expense of publishing an exceedingly long obituary which would have really pissed Joe off. 

 

There is so much more, please read the whole thing here...and then, read it to your kids tonight (lol).

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